As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me.
She was my so called 'best friend'.
I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine,
but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
After class, she walked up to me and
asked me for the notes she had missed the day before.
I handed them to her.
She said "Thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I wanted to tell her,
I wanted her to know that I didn't want to be just friends,
I loved her but I was just too shy,
and I dont know why.


11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her.
She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broken her heart.
She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone,
so I did.
As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine,
but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.
She looked at me, said "Thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I wanted to tell her,
I wanted her to know that I didn't want to be just friends,
I loved her but I was just too shy,
and I dont know why.


Senior year
The day before prom she walked to up my locker.
"My date is sick", she said. "He's not gonna go".
Well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade,
we made a promise that if neither of us had a date,
we would go together - just as 'best friends'.
So we did.
On prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step.
I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me.
And looking into her crystal eyes, I wanted her to be mine,
but she didn't think of me like that, and I knew it.
She said "I had the best time, thanks!", and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I wanted to tell her,
I wanted her to know that I did't want to be just friends,
I loved her but I was just too shy,
and I don't know why.


A day went by, then a week, then a month.
Before I could blink, it was graduation day.
I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma.
I wanted her to be mine,
but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her.
Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said:
"You're my best friend, thanks", and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I wanted to tell her,
I wanted her to know that I didn't want to be just friends,
I loved her but I was just too shy,
and I don't know why.


Years had passed.
I sat in the pews of a church.
That girl was getting married. My best friend was getting married now.
As she stood there in her white wedding gown, I wanted her to be mine,
but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it.
I watched her say "I do", and drive off to her new life, married to another man.
But before she drove away, she came to me and said: "You came!".
She said "Thanks" and kissed me on the cheek.

I wanted to tell her,
I wanted her to know that I didn't want to be just friends,
I loved her but I was just too shy,
and I don't know why.


Now, after so many years, I'm back in that church again.
I look down at the coffin of the girl who used to be my 'best friend'.
At the service, they read a diary entry she has written in her high school years:

"I stare at him wishing he was mine,
but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it.
I want to tell him,
I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends,
I love him but I'm just too shy,
and I don't know why.
I wish he would tell me he loves me!"

"I wish I did, too...", I think to myself,
and I cry.